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Custom Search vs ABC’s The Bachelor

20 February, 2012 (20:09) | Mindless Blather, prediction

God I hate this show. Only in the US can you have the polygamist player asshole show garnering an #1 ratings spot while real news (and G4tv’s Morgan Web) is falling off the radar.

Nevertheless, due to my female counterpart’s enticement programme, I end up noticing most of each episode while playing Star Wars – The Old Republic. While I feel it is more important to level my Empire bounty hunter’s black market skills, she thinks we should consume this tripe while holding hands. Which has a negative effect on my 1337 combat tactics and mouse hand

Apparently her twittering SMS messaging obsessive friends agree that she needs to see the show. The pace of twits tweeting and iPhones beeping increases at a rate close to a powertech bounty hunter’s superheated gas dps curve. By the end of the night its ready to explode. Our nerd/male slut watching compromise involves a massive leather Scandanavian Designs couch, giant 120HZ 3dTV, Dell Precision M6500 with dual SSDs, Intel quad core extreme edition, 16GB of ram, beer and a slice of triple chocolate cake from Hacienda Colorado.  That nerds, is what compromise is. My massive cranium unfortunately has extra cycles to burn on the Bachelor noise resulting in a mild bit of analysis. I have two theories for my prediction on the bachelor season 500,321.888:

1. If the show is somewhat real and they have a genuine interest in making profit from a happy couple, Ben will keep the hot horse riding chick. The parents are a good fit, it just works. Baton twirling band girl doesn’t have a chance because her dad is a tool. Which is sad, she is probably at about the nerd level I am so I feel bad for her dabbling in the deep pool when she should be in the plastic pool with me.  Former married girl doesn’t have a shot. Although her dad is cool because he rocks a pen in the pocket sans pocket protector. That means he is rich because he has so many shirts that he does not need to protect his pockets. I suspect he is intelligent enough to know his daughter is a skank. I hope I never have a skanky bachelor daughter.

2. Model “evil” girl will win if the show is completely based on corporate interest, sponsorship, drama, well just money. I feel bad for Ben if he is somehow stuck in this position, well maybe. It could be that Ben is legally blind and the blurry images presented through his distended corneas make  Courtney look somewhat attractive. Hell, maybe he just likes her hair color or the smell of burning silicone and taste of stale botulism on her upturned distorted lip. The girl looks like a confused or poisoned fish and has some obvious daddy issues. If I had to be around her psychotic plastic lip and or personality, I think I would be  as awkward as Mike Myers next to the mole. Fi fi fi fi fiFIIIIISHHH!

Overall I think he is going for the model. The bachelor results in disasters created by the typical beauty pageant operation. 25 girls enter, 24 lose, 1 loses spectacularly a little later. Usually aided by a cocktail of cocaine, liposuction, purse sized dog and a relationship gone bad. The judge at these events gets a smile on his face for a while, until he ends up with a few prescription creams to apply to his junk. I’m glad I’m a socially inept nerd with a penchant for star wars.



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